Many a fan young and old were excited for the upcoming Mars Attacks the Holidays special from IDW Publishing, following the successful relaunching of the property by John Layman and John McCrea after the blasphemous run with Topps Comics’ own publishing division in the 1990s that culminated in a crappy crossover with Image Comics and an even crappier letdown of an origin story for the Savage Dragon.
The special, to include new work from such diverse creators as Bill Morrison, Dean Haspiel, and Fred Hembeck, would humorously portray the wacky Martians interfering with a number of different holiday celebrations. Advance reviews however, signaled immediate red flags after the recent sad news of an anti-Muslim film triggering protests across the Middle East. As such, the book will be shipped a few weeks later than originally announced, to allow the publisher an eleventh hour chance at omitting one particular tale and repackaging the comic altogether.
“Yeah, we really effed up big time on this one,” said IDW top dog Chris Ryall. “I honestly thought it would be alright to give Hart Fisher a chance at something kinda close to mainstream, after so many years. But oh no- god no.”
The story in question, Mars Attacks Ramadan, was scripted by Fisher, whose renowned badboy image had mostly dried up since many of his kindred indie spirits of the 90s have since gone on to movie-making careers, such as Everette Hartsoe, Joe Harris, and Brian Pulido. But his plot of American troops stationed overseas hacking into the computers of Martian ships and piloting them like video games, destroying Mecca by nuclear armaments after stealing the Kaaba with tractor beams and covering the fabled black square of possibly alien origin in misspelled gangsigns and various streetart tagging and depositing said relic from on high to drop down on the Ground Zero construction site in New York City, where the Swedish Bikini Team and a large number of Playboy Bunnies are on hand to give free ice cold longnecks to every trueblooded, God-fearing, hedrosexual white American ready to celebrate the destruction of those towelhead sumbitches once and for all. As the weenie-roasting tailgating commences, the largest fireworks display in North American history ensues, accompanied by live musical performances from Metallica, Toby Keith, Bruce Springsteen, and a reunited Nsync. The Republican presidential candidate Mitt Romney comes out on stage at the climax of the festivities, wearing the skin of Barack Hussein Obama as a snazzy cape, to announce he is indeed the Second Coming of Jesus Christ and that the great Satan has been vanquished for good of all. Then all gathered sing the National Anthem in unison while Tipper Gore and Sally Jessy Raphael fire up the grills for another round of burgers and brats like the domicile womenfolk they are.
“It was all just…just rubbish, and we at IDW have higher standards than that” concluded the sober Ryall.