As the highly-anticipated release of the upcoming Dark Knight Rises motion picture, which will feature the lithe and lissome young actress Anne Hathaway in a catsuit, gains incomprehensible levels of momentum Hollywood has officially announced plans to entirely close up shop later next year. Spoke one Tinsel Town insider, “We believe our many studios have finally made enough movies, and are all looking to go into other fields. And what could possibly follow Hathaway in the catsuit anyhow? I mean, really.”
While earlier interviews with director Christopher Nolan, whose effective retelling of the Batman mythos for a more adult audience quickly proved widely successful at the box office with Batman Begins and later The Dark Knight, had the filmmaker assuring fans that he held little interest in rehashing members of Batman’s rogues gallery who had previously been portrayed on film in exchange for lesser known greats such as Ra’s al Ghul, Mr Zsasz, and the Scarecrow. But news of Anne Hathaway taking on the mantle of Catwoman for the movie franchise’s third installment has sparked much enthusiasm in chatrooms and forum boards all over geekdom. So much, in fact, that the heads of all major studios, acting in agreement with the Screen Actors Guild, have announced this afternoon that the American film industry has at last reached the end of the road.
Continued the insider, “Our screenwriters unanimously wish to pursue other creative opportunities- particularly comic books, and our actors all wish to lead quiet, normal lives from here on- maybe cutting an album here or there. Our producers are all of mind to write the great American novel- each and every one. It’s just a feeling of coming full circle, really. Hollywood had a great, great run and made many fine and not so fine products for the global culture to consume. But this was never intended to be an ongoing programme. We are all multi-faceted peoples and we see the coming appearance of Miss Hathaway in a skintight black pleather outfit on the big screen as an excellent opportunity for our industry to leave on top, instead of entering a fat Elvis phase, so to speak, or otherwise becoming irrelevant with the booming vlogosphere and youtube and the like. Honestly, persons today can make movies on their phones now, so our industry with its many legacies of young starlets with calloused knees and old actors keeping the plastic surgeons in business all seem a bit trite now. We all have a plethora of enjoyable memories and certainly do not wish for any more tabloid drama from this decision, but we really just have nothing else left to say.”
“And c’mon- what could possibly top Hathaway in a catsuit?”